Cock Shots

To my exhibitionist friends of the male persuasion,

We don’t want to see it.

Well, I can only speak for myself, but if the rest of the females in the world were to appoint me as Madame Spokesperson, I would say:

We don’t want to see it.

This might come as news to you, but your penis (especially as photographed with your phone’s camera) is not the most attractive part of your body. Not to most women, anyway. So when you take pictures of it and fire them off to half the women in your contacts, chances are that 99% of your junk’s pictures will be met with an “ewww” or a “gross.” If you take selfies in the mirror and send the reflection of it, your junk is likely to be met with a chuckle first, and then an “ewww” or a “gross.”

I’m saying this to you in a loving “I care about you and your manhood” tone of voice, and I hope that’s what you hear. I’m not being judgy. But please, for the love of all things good, proper and sexy, keep your cock shots to yourselves.

Tonight, as I was texting with a friend, a hot bod from my past popped up on my phone. Literally. This dude and I had gone out a couple times a few months ago, but it fizzled after two dates, and nothing ever came of it. No biggie.

Until tonight. All of the sudden, in the middle of a very platonic conversation with another buddy of mine, a very startling biggie showed up on my phone with a request for what could only be classified as a booty call. Apparently my blast from the past knew that asking to come over at 10:30 on a Monday night was such a shameful and obvious attempt at a booty call, he needed to send visual reinforcement.

“Are you tempted to say yes now?”

Ummm . . . let me think about it NO. I’m not. In fact, in the off chance that I might have been, your visual aid just sealed the deal for a big fat no-way-in-hell.

I can’t tell you how many unsolicited dick pics I’ve received. All the way from Rome to here in California and several places between. One guy sent me four within about 10 seconds. In case I needed, what–proof that it was really his? And not one of them–NOT ONE OF THEM–has ever made me want to get sexy. If anything, they’ve made me want to scrub my iPhone off in the shower with a loofah, some Dial and very hot water.

You know what’s sexy? A confident man in a well-tailored suit. A great smile on the face of a dude in a nice-fitting T-shirt and great jeans. A candid shot of a hot guy laughing while he’s out with his friends. And by “hot” I mean fully clothed and genuinely happy.

We get that y’all are visual creatures and you love to get naked pictures from women. Duly noted. But in this case, Mars and Venus simply do not spin in the same galaxy. We do not react the same way to getting your cock shots as you do in sending them.

Was the guy whose naked bod showed up on my phone tonight hot? Absolutely. Did it make me want to do him? Absolutely not.

I deleted the pic, sent back a quick “no thanks” and returned to my platonic and much more interesting conversation.

If you love to take pics of your junk, do it. But then send them to yourself. You’ll get double the pleasure of both sending and receiving, and you won’t scare the women you’re trying to get with. It’s a win-win. And the planets will spin happily in their proper orbits.

Peace and order in the universe. There’s nothing sexier than that.

–Sienna